The Break-Up

It always starts with the dreaded words, “we need to talk” and this situation is no different. I’ve had a lot of time to reflect over the past few months and I’m just not as satisfied in this relationship any more. I know, I know, you’re thinking that I should just give it more time and things will change, but I just don’t know if that’s enough. I need a clean break. You know, new country, new life, no more dependency on you. Well, it’s over. This relationship has been on the rocks for some time, but I’m thinking it’s finally time to call it quits. It’s just time. This truly is a situation of “It’s not you. . .it’s me.” I’ve grown and I’m just not the same and well, we just don’t have much in common anymore. I’m just not happy and I just can’t show you the dedication you deserve. This process has been painful with lots of wondering of whether or not this is the right decision. Can I live without you? Will I be lonely? Is it worth it? What will my family and friends think? Will I be the only one without something like you to turn to? How will I spend my time? So many questions that I just don’t have the answers to, but I know this IS the right time and right decision for me. I’ve just got to do this and I’m sorry TV, but I’m breaking up with you.

Weren’t expecting that were you? No worries, my marriage is fine, but my relationship with television, in general, is not. Let me take you through a brief history of our relationship. We’ve been together so long that I’m not sure where we even started. I think our relationship began over episodes of “Diff’rent Strokes” and reruns of “Three’s Company”. We grew up together over “Punky Brewester” (Punky Power!), “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air”, and my fondest memories were shared with “Beverly Hills, 90210”. (Dylan McKay will always hold a very special place in my heart. . .it was the sideburns. Sigh.) We became a little distant in undergrad and grad school as I just had more interesting things going on, but we seemed to pick up right were we left off the last few years and that’s just when the relationship turned unhealthy. The reason for our rekindled bond was the amazing technological device: the DVR. At the time I thought it was what we needed. It allowed us to continue spending time together, but at my convenience. Looking back I now realize the DVR was the beginning of the end. The ability to record way more than I’d ever watch or needed to watch was our downfall. I just felt too much pressure to catch up on all the shows I had missed during the week. As my DVR creeped closer and closer to reaching capacity, I just began to get more and more stressed out. My relaxing couch time on Sundays with TV was no longer enjoyable. I felt guilty for sitting around for hours watching TV, but felt just as guilty when I let all the shows pile up. I no longer received the same satisfaction of each show. I wasn’t concerned about watching the whole episode of “Biggest Loser”. Instead I would fast forward through Jillian’s attempt to bring about a psychological breakthrough in her contestants and the weigh-ins. I was no longer invested and just didn’t care.

During this period, aka “the DVR era”, we also experienced some of our darkest times as a couple. The scary times came in the form of episodes of “Bridezilla”, “Real World” (doesn’t matter what season since the cast is always the same), and “Oxygen’s Bad Girls’ Club”. Our lowest point had to do with VH1 and a marathon or two of “Fit Club” and “Scott Baio is 45 and Single”. When ugly things happen in relationships we’re often embarrassed and don’t discuss them, but here I am baring it all and feeling better because of it. I can’t go back and fix it but hopefully others can learn from my mistakes, save a few brain cells and hours of their life back in the process.

TV, I tried, really I have, but I just can’t bring back that old spark between us. I know that I have proudly held the title of being pop culture savvy for several years now, but I am going to have to let that go and find another strength. (I’m going to have to dig deep, really deep, but eventually, hopefully, I’ll find something.) No longer can I amaze my friends at work during lunchtime with my knowledge of all things TV primarily because I live halfway around the world and my potential new friends probably won’t care. It’ll do me no good to follow TV spoiler sites any more nor attempt to make conversation with others based upon a recent show because I’m cutting you out of my life. I know you’re probably thinking this a knee-jerk reaction to moving so far away to a country where the weather is great and everyone’s active, not currently having a TV, and Australian programming generally being at least a season or two behind. And yes, that does have plenty to do with it, but it’s not everything. This new life in Sydney is my chance to mix things up, start over, and take a path outside of my living room and away from the TV.

When we decided to move over here and it was determined that Paul and I would have to share (!) a TV and a DVR rather than have our own like before and it was then that I knew TV and I were in trouble. But now I’m looking forward to actually talking more with my husband rather than heading to our separate living areas to watch TV. I’m going to lose my pop-culture skills by not having you around, but hopefully I’ll gain additional knowledge from books (blasphemy!) that’ll help Paul and I during our weekly attempts to win at the local pub’s Trivia Night. I completed two half-marathons in the fall and I know without you in my life, I might be able to consider training for a full or maybe even a triathalon. I need to move on and you deserve someone who will appreciate you. It’s like the saying goes, “If you love something then let it go and if it comes back to you then you know it was meant to be.” So goodbye TV, I wish you nothing but luck in the future and I’m sorry that this didn’t work out for us. Please respect my wishes to end this relationship and don’t try to lure me back in with the final season of “Lost”.